some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
