Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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