Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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