In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
