You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it glows. i had to have it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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