woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
