I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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