I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
