We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
