so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
