Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
