The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
