I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
