It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
