I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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