I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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