did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
