I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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