He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
