Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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