Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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