Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
