I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize