It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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