your thong is hanging out like whoa
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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