Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
