I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
