My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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