Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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