Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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