The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
