Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am puke
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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