im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize