What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
