At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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