We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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