I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
