dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
organizing the empties. That sober.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
