your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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