Midget sex pt 2 tonight
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
