I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
