I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
