And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
