no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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