In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
