Your tits are I can't wait for
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
