I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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