Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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