I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
