I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
