Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
