You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
