I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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