WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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