just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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