I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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