its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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