dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
