I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize