Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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