she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
