But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize