So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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