At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
