even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
