Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
