So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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