God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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