Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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