a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
