I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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