Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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