Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
