ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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