its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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