Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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