saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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