I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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