Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
