Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize