dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
