shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i dont even know how to be here
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
