Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
