I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
