I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm having to shit out rocks
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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