i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
