Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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