Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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