i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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