i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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