yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
