The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
