I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize