i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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