no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize