why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
